You Got Issues, Part 2 Religion, Trigger Warning!!

Growing up I was raised Christian, I never questioned anything, i put my faith into someone I didn't even know personally. They kept telling me put all your faith in him if you have a problem just talk to him. It felt like I was just talking to myself... I felt crazy. I would go to church and just doze off. Only time I was engaged was with music. But I was completely tired of the judgement. and you may be asking what does that have to do with mental health or issues and general. But religion causes it , feeling trapped, feeling judge or not feeling heard. I never had the connection and I thought something was wrong with me. It is but just not in this case. Some people have a connection with Christianity I just don't. I'm not atheists' but I want to find what I believe more on a spiritual path, i want to question everything, even my own existence and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just here to say find what you believe, if you feel trapped find a window and climb out, its your life! Believe what you want and its okay if you don't believe, Where all going off of what were only shown so its okay.

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Here For This Next Section I'm Going To Give

You A Glimpse Into My Head

God Can You Hear Me 7/3/22

God can you hear me? I've been trying to keep my head high, now all i do is get high

been trying to talk to god lately but he ain't hearing me yet, this world is turning against me

and I'm bout to say f... it and leave it, last time I checked I was there for everybody

but where are they now? cash-app me 20 dollars, oh I got you , now I ain't got nothing

cause I gave it all away to people who ain't deserve it

is this god testing me well I'm sorry I failed, ill see you on the other side, God please don't

leave my side, I tried to keep my faith but god I'm slipping away, one wrong move, than I'm falling

now they calling me suicidal, and I'm sorry I couldn't be strong, I never signed up to be a soldier

I guess I'm bullet proof cause you can see right through me, and I ain't suicidal I just want to be happy, but all I feel is sadness, God are you hearing me I'm trying not to stutter, but all my

words are breaking, I really need a shoulder, I needed someone to rely on, but they all left me

got me crying on my own, now all I feel is lonely, god I'm begging for you to listen, I tried the church house, but they was just shouting commandments, told me to put my faith you

but I ain't feel your presence, I felt unheard are you on earth? please hold me down before i fly up

I don't want to go to hell, but I got to leave this place, I've done cried all my tears out

I just feel numb.

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When writing this I felt that I was alone, I had no one to call on I tried to constantly call out, but everyone hung up they just left me hanging, its like you constantly reach out but they don't see you.

I wasn't suicidal but I write from their point of view and what's its like to feel trapped in a world, that doesn't understand you. It was also a constant fear of going to hell because I wasn't close to God. so I was begging and begging for this connection someone I could rely on. An my daily life I knew I had people I could rely on but telling them about how I felt I couldn't I didn't want to be judged. It was always like I was there for people but it was never the same in return so I felt like I should've just given up. I thought god was testing me but for what? I didn't do anything wrong but maybe it was to prepare me. I stopped going to church because it waits like all their eyes were on me, Get Closer With God, You're Going To Hell, Don't Question and I couldn't take the overbearing thoughts

mainly it was just me overthinking but it was how I felt. What I'm trying to say is you have a right to choose a different path, if you don't understand that's okay also. When you're going through battles its okay if you tumble its okay if you think about giving up. What truly matters is the after results and who will be waiting at the end. Who you believe in, Your family, friends or just you. Don't ever be force to believe because of fear, do it because you truly want to. Cause than You'll have issues.